#ByeByeBelly: Welcome to One-derland!

Goodness. So much time has past since my last entry.

First of all, Happy Blogaversary! This blog started out as a way to chronicle my journey with doctor appointments and remind me of where I came from. It has turned out to be much more cathartic than I had every imagined. Much like what this weight loss surgery has become as well.

The continual question I am asked is, "How do you feel?"

I feel GREAT! I am not going to pretend that I don't have "fat girl" and "Prozac girl" days, I do. But overall, knowing where I have come from to where I am now, I can easily say I am happy, indeed. Happiness comes in all forms, and always has. Lately my happiness stems from falling in love with myself. I have a very long way to go, but each and every day, I find something about myself that I like.

If you recall, one of my posts said "I didn't know I wasn't happy, until I was happy." This is the biggest reason why I am starting to like myself. I am so very aware of how I used to be and am even more cognizant of how I am now. I am truly trying hard every day to be as positive of a person as I can for Anne Marie. Little dramas are no longer life altering. I think my quote as of late is, "It's not that deep." If something didn't go my way before, I would literally harp on it, gossip about it, be sad or mean about it. Now, it's not that deep! I find myself rooting more for the underdog instead of kicking them down. I find myself being more rational about things. I find myself saying, "if it makes you happy, go for it." Who am I to get in the way of anyone's happiness. Who am I to judge another's way of life.

I am finding myself looking at some people, mostly obese girls, and sympathizing with them. I so badly want to share my story with them. I know a few that I see the old me in. They don't know they are miserable. They don't know that their misery is affecting the people around them. What I do know is that it's their journey and their path. No one can make anyone look at themselves in the mirror and see what we see.

Let's talk about some real shit here. I'm 5 months post op. Down 98 pounds. Mentally feeling pretty great. Physically looking my best. Sadly, their are some consequences to rapid weight loss. Sagging skin. Just terrible. I am definitely dealing with vanity issues. Inside of my thighs are highly unplesant to look at, my underarms are what I call my "bat wings", and my hair...Oh goodness, my hair! For months now, I've been shedding a lot of hair in the shower. I knew lack of protein could lead to hair loss but I thought it wasn't that bad. Two weeks ago I really noticed. I had gone to get my hair cut and my stylist asked if I wanted more layers since my hair was so thin. I laughed. really laughed. Me, with thin hair??? The next day, I was straightening my hair and really noticed what she was talking about. I wasn't sure which way to part my hair to hide what was now very clear to me. I had very thin hair in the front and quite frankly, seeing my scalp was freaking me out. I obsessed about it all day. I reached out to my sister who suggested a Nioxin treatment, to which I ordered immediately. I've doubled up on Biotin every day, started using Nioxin hair care, significantly upped my protein intake, and within just a couple days noticed a difference. The bonus to upping my protein intake is that it kick started my metabolism again. In just a few days, I had finally gotten to my goal of being under 200 pounds. I weighed in at 199! As a friend who underwent the same surgery said to me, "Welcome to ONE-derland."

This journey has had it's ups and downs. But mostly ups. I have to say, I am having fun becoming a girl. New clothes. Wearing make-up. Taking pride in my appearance every day. Flirting. FLIRTING! I never realized how much fun flirting can be.