Appt #5 and #6: Keep up the good work!

Tuesday night I went to a Bariatric Support Group (appt #5) meeting at Penn.  It was more interesting then I expected it to be.  I was in a room with about 20 people, half pre-op and half post-op.  It was amazing to see women who were like me, under a year out of surgery who look "normal".  Most every post op patient shed 100 pounds in a year.  That is a crazy thought to me but also exhilarating.  When I looked around the room, I saw life.  (Except for the one diabetic who was having major trouble grasping the surgery and how it would effect her diabetes. I'm pretty sure we were all guests to HER meeting.)

During the class, I realized that I was to have scheduled 2 other weight management consults prior to leaving the office.  So I called the support secretary yesterday morning to discuss what my options were.  I am clearly anxious to have this surgery sooner rather than later.  Turns out, the Weight Management courses book up quickly and they are only once a month.  So the likelihood of getting into a February class was slim to none and for March, I would have to cross my fingers.  With that in mind, the thoughts of not being done all of this pre-work until June was killing me.  Luckily, Shanella (the sound of her name makes me crave Nutella), the secretary, was able to tell me that my primary physician could use the weight management sheets and submit instead.  That was awesome!

As soon as I hung up the phone, I called my doctors office and had an appointment (appts #6) first thing this morning.  When I got there, it was a pain in the ass.  My doctor's office doesn't accept emails so I was having trouble getting the weight management form into my doctors hands.  The Penn Medicine App came in handy!  I screen shot the form and submitted on My Chart through the App.  I was back in business.

First stop... the scale.  DUN-DUN-DUN!  Official verdict, down 11 lbs since the infamous cardiology appt.  Thank God!!!  Vitals were good, BP was actually down for a change which was nice to hear as well.  Dr. Tressle reviewed the material.  Was a bit taken aback that she had to fill out this form, but she was kind enough to do it for me.  Pleasantly, she was happy with my progress and told me to keep up the good work.  My assignment for next visit it to up my exercise (which means start) and to keep a food journal.

Since my food funeral, I changed the foods I am eating so I am more cautious.  I am still a binge/overeater but I've cut out bread and potatoes, stopped soda completely, increased green veggie intake to daily, and only drink water.  11 pounds in two weeks with just awareness of what I was putting in has been amazing!

Next week, the SHRINK!

Another day, another appointment

Results are in from last's week Echocardiogram. I haven't heard from the cardiologist but seems my report lines up with my high blood pressure.  So it would seem this will not interfere with my surgery clearance.  I hope!  If you are a doctor, here's the conclusions:

However you read it, you probably think the same as me.  Get your surgery on, girl!  The effects of this surgery should dramatically decrease my blood pressure and reduce the change of stroke or heart disease.  I'm not afraid of death, I'm afraid of not living.  This is my chance to start a life.  Participate with my friends.  No more excuses as to why I can't do something cause my fat ass won't allow me to.

Tonight, I attend a Support Group for people who are undergoing, or have undergone bariatric surgery.  It's a two hour session.  I am excited to go.  I have a few questions that pertain to expectations and scheduling.  I am more than ready to have this surgery and get it over with.

I've got a few more appointments lined up which may lead to a few more.  Such as meeting the pulmanologist that may require me to have a sleep study.  I'm positive that will happen.  The follow up to my original GI testing with the mamometry. The Shrink! The dietician. And then..... hopefully my clearances are done!

Weigh in: 279.  Down 15 pounds from that every shocking weigh in a couple weeks ago.

There's a joke in here somewhere!

After getting felt up on Wednesday, I came home for a work from home day due to the major storm we had coming (that never came.)  While doing some reports, I got a message on my Penn Medicine app.  Did I mention how I love this app?  Anyway, the message was a response to my testing from last week's Upper GI.

Hopefully, you can read this....

Remember when I said I was scared about having a tube go down my throat? Yeah, well, guess what. This Esophageal Manometry is just that! 

A slow swallower and may gag?  Yup.  You can take it from there!

Appt #4: Echocardiogram

Nothing like getting felt up first thing in the morning!

Just got back from an Echocardiogram. My cardiologist ordered this after last week's appointment due to my high blood pressure.  Even though he would clear me for surgery, he wanted to cover all bases.

At 38, single, and no kids, you often grapple with getting older.  Thinking that most of your life is already behind you.  If you want to feel young, sit in the waiting room at the cardiologist's office and look around at the others waiting.  I AM YOUNG!  There is hope for me yet! And with this surgery, I hope to live as long as those I was sitting next to in the waiting room.

Have you ever gone and gotten a massage?  My experience today was oddly similar.  Benjamin was my sonogram tech and was quite lovely.  He brought me back to the room and said he would give me a moment to undress and put on the necesarry robe and to cover up with a towel.  As he left the room to give me privacy, he turned out the lights.  It was then that I realized the tranquil music he had playing, reminiscent of Enya, whom I loved back in the day.  When he came back in, I was lying on the table with my towel covering up my girls.  It was so peaceful that I could have napped.  With the pressure of the sonogram stick on my chest, it felt like a frontal massage. Just a little pressure but nothing crazy. Only uncomfortable moment was lifting my breast to so the sonogram from underneath.  By uncomfortable, I mean, I wasn't expecting it..  But all in all, it was actually a lovely experience.  

Before I left, I snuck in a couple pics...

I've been a bit hoarse the past couple of days so last night I went to bed with a Vicks Vaporizer.  I had some trouble falling to sleep at first.  Tonight, I will play some Enya and see if that puts me down quicker. Worked today!

Are you scared?

People keep asking me if I am scared to have surgery.  My answer is always that I am not scared of the surgery.  I do have fear.  It's not the going under the knife, the absence of food as I know it, or the exercise I must begin to do.  What scares me the most is being THIN!  

Most people who are successful with this route lose up to half of their body weight.  A 150 lb person is thin to me.  Who will I be? How will I think? What will I look like? Will my personality change? Will I be less funny? I've only ever been fat.  I know this me.  Being fat is who I am.  

Last year, I fell in love with myself.  I finally started to enjoy who I was as a person.  I am rough around the edges and I often speak too honestly, but at the core I am a good human being.  It took me awhile to realize that.  I learned that I didn't care about my weight, I cared about how I felt.  I had tried a product that really did well for me. Plexus.  Was an easy product to use and I dropped a ton of weight.  However, I got so obsessed with hydration that I got water poisoning.  It hurt so bad. Like nothing I had ever felt before.  Literally felt like my kidneys would explode.  My mouth tasted like rusted metal.  I couldn't go 20 minutes without having to go the bathroom.  My body shut down for 24 hours.  After that, I never bounced back. Plexus needs water to keep working and I was afraid to drink.  But I loved who I became.  I was 245 pounds and happy.

So if you've been following my posts, you would know I gained 50 pounds in a year.  I'm not afraid to lose 50 pounds, which will happen pretty quickly post surgery, but I am afraid to lose 100.  A 200 pound person?  I can't even remember being that "light."

Appt #2 and #3 Upper GI and Chest X-Ray

I had my Upper GI done last week, and it was by far the most involved procedure to date.   Prep wasn't so bad.  As I mentioned previously, I went to bed at 7pm the night before and didn't eat or drink anything.  For most people, they would be hungry by morning, but not me.  Like most obese people, we haven't eaten breakfast in god knows how long.  I can go all day without putting a morsel of food in my system, but I am doomed come evening.  It's not like the foods I was putting into my belly were bad foods, but they were in MASS QUANTITIES.  At dinner time, I was a bottomless pit.
I digress! Again, back down to Penn.  This time, had to wait a little longer than usual but everyone was nice as always.  When I registered for my procedure, I asked what to expect.  My co-workers had me thinking that I was going to have a tube put down my throat.  I did that once in college and was none to thrilled about it.  Turns out, it was just a swallow test under X-ray.

I got a brief rundown in the waiting room as to what I would have to do.
First, there are little crystals that you have to toss to the back of your throat and chase with a bit of water.
Then, this thick Barium, then a think Barium (I think).

When I went in for my flouroscopy, I met with a lovely first year student as well as a medical resident and the doctor performing the procedure.  They gave me another run down of what to expect.   Told me the stuff I would drink isn't the best but it will surely pass through.  I'm thinking, liquid...I'll pee it out.  Nope, he quickly corrected me that it will come out the other pipe. Only me!  Oh.... there was a little needle to that slows down your GI tract.  Doc gave me that and while it entered my blood stream he went to put on his radiation gear.  He came back in Camo and the resident has on sparkly green.  Another reason why Penn Medicine has been a stellar decision.

So big ole me gets onto some platform behind an xray and they have me take the crystals.  Think of it like a shot, but this shot was like sour lemon flavored pop rocks which immediately dissolved as I took the itty bitty bit of water to help it go down.  I am told this help expand.  Feels like you have to burp, but you are told that you can't.  Once that went down, I was then asked to drink about 12 ozs of this think white liquid.  Barium, right?  This stuff looks as nasty as it sounds.  So I took a deepbreath and just thought of all the times I hosed guys at the bar doing Irish Car Bombs. 1-2-3 and that think shit was down into my belly.  You can feel every ounce of it go through.

In order for this thick ass "drink" to do it's trick they lay you back and have you roll around to coat you whole stomach.  All while taking pics.  After those series of pictures were taken I then had one final drink...the thinner white stuff.  This time, I had to lay down but drink it through a straw just a sip at a time.  Since I couldn't do my signature chug, it was less than stellar.  The taste on either of them wasn't so bad, didn't have much of one to be honest.  It was just the texture.  Unless is frozen and full of Bailey's, I'm not a fan of thick drinks.

Hopefully, if things go my way, I will have surgery in March and by the time I go to Mexico the end of April, I will be slowly sipping one of those bad boys.

Appt #1 The Cardiologist

Last week, I had the first of several pre-op appointments to clear me for surgery.  I was ready to get the ball rolling.  Watching my sister come out of recovery from her surgery two weeks earlier was eye opening, but I wasn't scared.  I knew that this was the last option I had because I was unable to beat obesity on my own. However NOTHING prepared me for this visit.

Normal triage with nurse.  Get on the scale.  Sure, no problem! TWO HUNDRED AND NINETY-FOUR POUNDS!  294!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Just a year ago I was 245 and to me that was a victory.  I gained everything I lost back and then some.  I say this number out loud cause it scared the shit out of me.

Lucky for me, I had "checked in" on Facebook where I was and my best friend noticed and was nearby as asked for a lunch date.  Just what I needed! Food.  LOL.  I kid.  I just needed a friend.  I wasn't down, I was just scared. Gaining weight before surgery was not an option.  I gained 20 lbs in two short months.  So at lunch, I ordered my very first turkey burger with NO BUN.  The Food Funeral is over.  I knew it was time to take this more serious. I'm pretty sure I was just a walking shell of a person the rest of the day at work.

For dinner, I made broccoli and squash.  I didn't hate it.  I never really hated vegetables. I just prefer steak and potatoes. The next day I had an appointment for an Upper GI Swallow Test.  That was probably the best thing after seeing my weight gain.  No food or drink before the test.  But was also going to be touch cause I am a late night binge eater.  So, what else could I do?  I went to bed at 7pm and didn't get up until my test the next morning.  Call it depression, call it avoidance, call it scared.  I just needed time to grieve because I was ashamed of how out of control my weight had become.

**totally forgot to include that I had an EKG at this appt and some listening to my heart.  I think I got flustered discussing my pounds that I forgot.  It's important that I log all my steps. Doc ordered an echo and a cpap appt. Plus side: even though my BP is high he would still clear me for surgery. Small victories.

Food Funeral

There is no step for this.  It's just what happened the month of December.  For most people, the holidays are a time for lots of gatherings where you fall victim to the buffet table.  Not for me. I attend one, maybe two events and rarely overeat or even drink at these events.  I work a ton during the crazy retail season so I'm always on the go. I produced two cabarets with my amazing new business venture, Nightcap Cabaret.  It's not the holidays. It's not work.  It's the Winter Blues.

It wasn't until New Year's Eve that I realized that the Winter Blues had grabbed hold of me.  There I was, with 3 parties to attend, sitting on my couch, alone.  I chose this.  I wanted to stay home, by myself, snuggled up to my pup. Before the ball dropped, I ordered a dozen Insomnia Cookies.  Warm cookies, fresh out of the oven, delivered to my door!  It was great!  Wasn't it?

I hide behind my humor.  I laugh first so that I'm in on the joke. I took a moment, while eating that gooey Double Chocolate Insomnia Cookie, and realized I've always over-eaten, but this was a whole new level.  How many times did I order from Grub Hub this month?  How many of those orders were to China House for cheesesteak eggrolls and ribs?  How many times did you order for a family of 4 and ate it all?  Appalled by my behavior, I went in for the next cookie.   I threw my hands up and just succumbed it.  Let me have this food funeral.  Let me eat this crap before I get to my first appointment and really start this journey.

Tiny issue.  My fat pants don't fit anymore.  How is that possible?  How do my fat pants no longer fit me?  My regular fat pants are already fat pants, but these were my fat, fat pants! I think I'm in trouble.

Meeting the Surgeon

After my Information Session at Penn Medicine, I made an appointment with a surgeon before even leaving the meeting.  Within a week, I was meeting with Dr. David Wernsing and his medical team.  I had a brief consultation with a nurse doing all the normal vitals including weight (286lbs) and BP (I never remember but it's always awfully high.)

This was followed by meeting with a dietitian.  What I liked about her (I'm terrible with names) was that she asked how I learned.  I told her I was visual.  So she took her props out of her bag and went through some dietary changes that I will need to make before and after surgery.  For an over-eater like myself, learning what an ounce of meat was equivalent to was surely an eye opener. Not to mention that the gal who eats once a day, even though I consume enough for a family of 4, now has to start eating SIX times a day.  SIX!!!

I then met with Dr. Wernsing.  Stereotypical smarty with dry humor and a quirky smile.  He has kind eyes.  Bed side manner is everything to me so I felt completely comfortable putting my life in his hands.  He went over the surgery again with me.  How he does 4-5 incisions and will do the removal from my belly button!  How cool?  Hearing about the surgery was less traumatic then having to lift my shirt up for him to see by fat belly.

Painless appointment. Right?   However, this was the beginning of what my sister calls the "Food Funeral."

Why start a blog?

Back in November 2014, I decided that after a lifelong battle with high blood pressure and obesity, that it was time to get serious.  Finally, my health insurance covers gastric surgical options and my primary care doctor was thrilled that I came to this decision on my own. (Side bar: you have to take medical care into you own hands.  I have learned time and time again that YOU have to be your own advocate.)

Step 1: Attend an Informational Meeting on Gastric Surgery

Just before Thanksgiving I attended the information session at Pennsylvania Hospital.  I elected to stay with Penn Medicine so all of my doctors can share my information with each other.  Plus, they have an app where I can access all my labs.  Love an app!At this session, I was presented with 3 surgical options: Gastric Bypass, Sleeve, or Lap-band.  I've always been afraid of Bypass due to the severity of the surgery and the several week recovery time.  Being 38 and unmarried, I do not have the luxury of having a second income coming in, or my very own nursemaid.  I learned that Lap-band has a nice success rate and is less invasive, but has a 50% chance of returning for a second surgery due to side effects.  No thank you!  So that left gastric sleeve.  Which is exactly what I went to this meeting wanting.  Boy was I surprised to learn that I had no friggin clue what a "sleeve" really was. Gastric Sleeve- Wed MD

So, I've been through a few stages so far, but have decided to back track and blog about my experiences so I can remember, take ownership, and maybe help just one person who is going to undergo the same choices.
After being shocked to learn there really is no "sleeve" that it's literally removing two-thirds of your stomach, I was even more determined this was for me.  Laproscopic, a few week recovery, home next day, I'm in!  I really honed in on the procedure, the options, and what was expected from me.  The first, finding support groups and people that have undergone such surgeries.  Lucky for me, my sister was going through the same thing.  (As I write this, she is now a week and a half out of surgery and is doing great!) The real sell on this surgery is that I HAVE TO.  If I don't, I will die.  It's that simple.