Don't talk to strangers? Ha!

I have a couple hours to kill before I see some friends in Heathers: The Musical tonight and decided to kill some time at IHOP.  I know it's sounds out of the norm, but it's quiet and I can eat eggs! Yes, the pancakes and four syrup options are tempting the shit out of me! 

The woman next to me heard me talking to the waiter, Howard, about egg whites and vegetables as well as if I can substitute the hash browns and fruit with a side of broccoli instead. He wasn't sure if he could do I told him it didn't matter if so.  As he left, the woman next to me, with an adorable 2 year old, chimed to me that it was crazy about not be able to get substitutions when you are paying for the items you aren't going to eat anyway. Which, she is right!  Why shouldn't people have the right to substitute for a healthier item that the restaurant has in stock? Seems like a no-brainer to me, but who am I?

The woman and I continued to talk as she heard me mention my upcoming surgery. I found myself listening to a woman 50lbs lighter than me talk about her weight struggles. Like she needed someone who understood and didn't judge.  She kept mentioning people who told her to lose weight and judging her for her size without knowing her story.  She is 41, with 5 children, and 2 grandchildren!  She isn't fat, she is a storyteller. She has lived.  Every part of her belly has a story to tell.  My story is very different then hers, but we both are sisters in obesity.  We both look at each other without judgement. 

I gave her some pointers in what I've had to do and how I've gotten to this part of my weight loss journey. I did not preach. I did not deem my way is the only way. I just shared my story. Even though my story doesn't involve 5 children and 2 grandkids, it's still a story worth something just as golden.

A few things I'm looking forward to

I've been thinking a lot lately about things that I am looking forward to with my upcoming weight loss.  I figured I would share some of them as I countdown to Tuesday's big day!

My feet!!!!

I am looking forward to many things in regards to my feet.  First and foremost, being able to see them!  I couldn't tell you what the bird's eye view of my feet is or the last time I could see them without lifting my legs.

Tieing my shoes without having to use my arms to pull up my leg, without heaving breathing, or breaking a sweat!

Shoes! I'm sure my wide width is genetic but I'm interested in how long it will take for me to be able to wear cute wedges and heels for more that 20 minutes.

^^ I would never! Lol

Crossing my legs

I'm sure it sounds trivial but it's true! I can cross my legs now but a) it doesn't look cute and b) I need to use my arm to keep my leg from dropping off the other leg.  Heck, even to be able to sit Indian style (not sure if that is PC or not) for more than a few minutes would be delightful!

Rings!

I really look forward to putting my peridot diamond ring back on my finger. Been off for some time now! More importantly, I look forward to being able to buy cheap costumer jewelry in stores that will fit me! Here's an eye opener...my ring size is 13!

Amusement parks

The time I can walk a park all day and ride all the coasters with my friends will be a major accomplishment.  (See previous post about my Hershey park trip)

Performing

One of my biggest goals is to get back on stage again.  Simply on stage as part of an ensemble is enough for me. Learn a choreographed dance and not look silly doing it.  The bigger goal is to sing in one of my cabarets. But that is a long way out!

Hot flashes

I'm five days in on my pre-op diet and the hot flashes are killing me.  No one mentioned anything about it during my nutrition classes but an old friend mentioned the "carb flu" while she was pre-op.  

http://authoritynutrition.com/5-most-common-low-carb-mistakes/

I'm actually having trouble getting to my 1000 calories every day. Actually haven't hit it yet. I am down about 20 pounds.  The past two days I've been eating food. Yup, my surgeon allows eating!!  I've noticed I want to eat more frequently when I have actual food as opposed to the shakes. I can eat a half a head of lettuce with salt and vinegar, fill up, and not even make a dent in my caloric intake for the day. Eggs have also been super filling and tasty.  

Hot flashes seem to be normal according to blogs and posts online.  Amazing what carbs and the lack there of can do to you.  I suppose this is my detox!

The Last Supper

One thing I know for sure, I know how to throw a wake for my stomach!

I had always envisioned a final soirée for my belly.  Unfortunately due to the speediness of approval to actual surgery it's too hard to plan.  However, my bestie knew how badly I wanted to go to Manayunk Brewery's brunch buffet.  ALL YOU CAN EAT BREAKFAST MEAT!  

Eric, and his husband Ray, have been with me through some tough times in my life. Fortunately, they have also been with me during some amazing times! One of which was there wedding!  A lovely day indeed.  A day in which, although at my heaviest, I felt pretty.  I want to share a couple pictures so I can remind myself, that even though fat, I wasn't miserable. And at times, I was pretty.

*makes for a good before pic 

*dont judge me by my fake tan. I tried!

*caught on camera dancing!

*my boobs were in point that night! Lol

*as close to a model as I will ever feel 

My final blow out meal wasn't brunch... Oh no.  I continued with a $100 meal at DiNardo's Seafood house just because I had to have crab legs. It was worth it. Seriously!

Still not final enough, my parents took me out tonight with all you can eat crab legs at Kildare's in Manayunk. 

These two adorable creatures have loved me for everything I am.  There isn't any love that can compare. I am reminded that every achievement and victory has always been celebrated with food, however.  How will I celebrate milestones now? A run??? 

Today, I spent meeting with my surgeon to discuss the upcoming deed.  He is so very kind and his bedside manner has been excellent. We giggled a bit but he told me very clearly that this is a forever change. He told me that he will not let me sit off recovery.  He told me that he will have me up and moving. He told me that I have to put in the work.

My Doc:

http://youtu.be/5l4yHB4l9VY

Here's a couple terrible images of me waiting for the doctor to come in to the office.  Pictures that helped me embrace the meeting with him. I am ready!

*why fat girls like pics from above

*289 pounds 

Tomorrow, I go to the nutritionist. I learn what my life is going to entail in the coming months.  I also learn if I get one more swan song before my pre-op diet.

If I don't, I thank all 289 pounds of me for  giving me 39 years of memories. For lifelong friendships. For loves learned and lost. And more importantly, giving me the reason to laugh first and often.

Food has been my friend for as long as I can remember. Sometimes, saying goodbye to a friendship outgrown is the most life changing and rewarding.

Here's to a healthier me!

The date has been set!

Normally a day at Hershey Park or any other amusement park ends the same.  Me being depressed that i can't fit comfortably on rides and super tired from all the walking.  This time it was different. On Wednesday, my company rewarded my team with an outing of our choice. Concensus was Hershey so we went.  I walked and sat outside every coaster while my team had fun. I had fun simply by knowing they got rewarded for their hard work.  I watched purses and prizes all day.  

Until the last coaster. Don't ask me the name, I don't remember!  I got the confirmation I've been waiting for.  Cigna finally approved me for surgery!!!  

 

A journey 8 months in the making is finally about to truly begin!  August 11, 2015 I will have my gastric sleeve surgery. 

The amount of support that I've received since the beginning has been remarkable. However, the Facebook "likes" that I received since the official announcement has blown my mind.

I know I shouldn't measure my worth through social media but for a single gal like me who has battled depression since childhood, it's a big pick me up.  Knowing that people through many walks of life are quietly rooting for me is enough to keep me going.  200 of you believe in me!  And now, the one person that matters most believe in me too. ME!

This new life that is coming my way is sure going to be challenging. Like my body turning into a sharpei for starters!

I mean....it's true. This is gonna happen to my body. But, what will also happen to my body is it will last.  I get to live. 

I wrote a really funny blog and then I closed the app!

Use your imagination as this was a bad idea!

Is it time to throw in the towel?

This process is taking forever!  If I'm being honest, I'm not even sure I'm ready to take the plunge.  There is no turning back for me, but damn, what am I about to do?   

Paperwork was submitted to the insurance company over 3 weeks ago.  I should have heard back from Penn a week or so ago.  I called and left 3 voicemails to the admin who handles my scheduling and no returned phone calls. So, I called the head of the bariatric program who called me back.  Seems there are 5 patients waiting for the business department at Penn to get final wording from insurance companies.  My case has been on the books the longest with no response.  I certainly hope I hear something soon because I am desperate for motivation.

Food has been winning lately.  I've been on a junk food binge and enjoying it for the ten minutes it's going in my mouth.  My body is regretting every morsel.  I'm gaining weight.  My ankles are swollen. My face has adorned another chin.  I have no energy to do anything. I should walk.  Really. I should! But I don't. I'm typing when I should be walking.  Instead I go to bed early just so I can lay in bed and sleep so the next day becomes closer to a surgery date.  Yet, each day seems further and further away!

Plus side: ate the best cheesesteak of my life from Revolution House in Old City!(wait till after summer it get it to go cause the AC in the place sucks!)